I have always had a tendency toward what we colloquially call hypochondria. I remember getting some obligatory physical at 16 and worrying about cancer — at SIXTEEN, with no symptoms and healthy as a horse. Seeing movies has only exacerbated that tendency. 1) as I have written elsewhere, there is no such thing as a meaningless symptom on screen. and 2) if you see a lot of old movies, you develop a heightened sense of time, aging, loss and death.

Right now I have what everyone says is a completely harmless, very reversible, minor nerve problem in my foot which seems to be going away — as in no symptoms for 17 days. I’m back to walking a half hour a day and will probably be back to running some time next week, the week after at the latest. However, because of the neural nature of it, I am acutely aware of everything happening on the surface of my skin. and so I feel every tingle, every touch of static electricity, every brushing of clothes against my skin and interpret this as the harbinger of doom. Logic doesn’t enter into this feeling, though it’s a consolation to have logic, reason, medical science and even the Internet on my side.

Much of what our minds do is inhibit useless information. right now, for example, your brain knows how your knee feels, but that’s not filtering into your conscience, because your knee is fine (assuming it’s fine) and needs no attention. at varying times, when I’ve thought I had heart trouble (I don’t) I have heard nothing but my heart pounding through the pillow at night. and when I thought I’ve had stomach trouble, I could feel nothing but the upper left side of my stomach. as soon as I found out I was OK in either case, the awareness of sensation went away.

In one particularly spectacular case — the one that occasioned the 1999 article that I linked to, though I didn’t reference it — I had a benign cyst on my neck that everyone was 99 percent sure was nothing. I had to wait 8 days for an ear, nose and throat doctor to send a scope down my throat and in that intervening eight days I felt real pains in my throat and in one case even tasted BLOOD.

Fortunately, I go through long phases (as in most of the time) when I think I’m totally fine, so I don’t fall into the classic category of hypochondriac. But I do think — I know for a fact — that I’ve spent (as in wasted) a lot of days worrying over minor, unimportant symptoms. the big leap, of course, is to realize, hold it, your worries are not logical but hysterical. the problem is really from the neck up, not the neck down.

Anyway, I mention this, not to embarrass myself, but to tell you about a book that I found that has been a big, big help: WORRIED SICK?: THE EXAGGERATED FEAR OF PHYSICAL ILLNESS by Fredric Neuman, M.D. If you or someone you know tends to be a healthy worrier — tends to come at you with symptoms and seeking reassurance — get or recommend this book. the author is a former health worrier himself, so he knows all the thought processes and tendencies. this book really works. and it can be read and re-read as situations demand.

Posted by: Mick LaSalle (Email, Twitter) | December 30 2010 at 10:01 AM