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It has been one of those days… More like Invasion of the Body-Snatchers but snatched by the creature Menopause. and so The Beast lives within, feeding, engorging! this is when I refuse to look at myself in the mirror, and try instead to drown-out the voices of discouragement, lest I hate what I see. and as the battle rages on, I am suddenly whisked-away by another voice, my Lancelot Knight’s, simple and sincere, “I love you and like you just as you are.”

Nothing could pull me out of the pit of despair faster than hearing my hubby say he loves me, and loves me just as I am! But just as I am, is an ever changing chameleon, morphing into an out-of-body experience.

We transform from childhood to puberty—the teenage, wonder years were overrated! we hit our 30’s to deal with perimenopause (about 10-15 years before the onset of menopause, evidenced by physical changes in our monthly cycle and mental health symptoms)—did lots of crying then, believing it was the end of my life as I knew it! Hit my 40’s and for some reason I wasn’t bothered by much of anything. and now I hook-up with menopause in my 50’s—was only too glad to have left those bothersome monthly’s way behind—but who knew that I’d be bothered by everything else?

Phew! That’s a whole lot of changes and dramas and tears to have to go through in one lifetime. I’m tired already!

Memories; Food for my soul

June 1998 saw the end of our happy days in our first home, a home my Lancelot Knight and I wholeheartedly believed we’d grow old in, having said tearful farewells to each of our children as they went out to make lives of their own. But those were dark and insecure days for holding a job; the beginning to a long and sad period of people losing their jobs and homes in the Silicon Valley, and across the country.

We moved on Father’s Day that year, which also coincidently happened to fall on my Lancelot Knight’s birthday. despite that we’d just lost our home (having spent 1 entire year out of work), we felt blessed to have the opportunity to move into another home—larger still: 7 bedrooms, 4 bathrooms, 2 full-working kitchens, on a 1-acre spread—though renting for the time being. we counted our blessings and were thankful!