Not to be critical of the human design or anything, but pregnancy involves a lot of embarrassments. at first glance, this seems just a tad unfair. I mean, here we are, sloughing off IQ points and sacrificing our very bodies to support new life, and on top of everything else, we have to deal with a host of humiliating physical malfunctions. What’s up with that? I’m happy to tell you that I have the answer. (I came up with it in the same place that I get all my good ideas – the shower.) Ready? Pregnancy’s embarrassments help prepare us for parenthood. you know how pregnancy insomnia supposedly helps us get ready for all those sleepless nights of baby feeding? well. Pregnancy humiliations toughen us up in a similar way. because, guess what? one day, that sleepy, sleepless little baby is going to morph into a ricocheting toddler who, while on a trip to the silent, pristine local library, will suddenly scream at the top of his lungs, “MOMMY, WHY THAT MAN SO FAT?” and you’ll want to die. You’ll briefly consider running into the bathroom, leaving your toddler behind as you call over your shoulder, “I think someone lost her child. because that’s definitely not mine.” but you won’t, of course. Instead, you’ll guide your grinning mischief-maker out to the car, where you’ll gently explain about not calling people “fat” (and not screaming in the library, for that matter). Later, you’ll tell the story to your partner or your mommy friends, and the embarrassment will fade into laughter and your glass of wine. and how did you get over it so quickly? Practice. Practice, practice, practice – starting from the very first weeks of your pregnancy and continuing on to delivery day. Remember all that pregnancy flatulence? Remember the time you sneezed in the middle of the store check-out line and had to waddle your groceries out to the car in your oh-so-comfortable, pee-soaked underwear? What about when you couldn’t remember your neighbor’s child’s name? What about those constant, great circles of sweat staining each armpit of your white maternity shirt? See? It’s a lot of embarrassment. and why else would we have it, if not to prepare us for motherhood? for all those times when you’re with friends you don’t see very often, and you want your baby / toddler / child to behave like the golden girl you know she is, but instead she yowls and howls for forty-five minutes straight because she’s suddenly developed a fear of bugs. for all those times your child yells, at the public pool, to a non-pregnant you: “Mommy, are you having a BABY? because your tummy looks like there’s a BABY there!” for the times when your child crouches in the corner at a fabulous birthday party, crying and sucking on his sock, while all the other kids bounce happily in the jump house. yes, for all those times, and so many others, we need thick skin, and pregnancy’s embarrassments help us get there. so maybe the human design isn’t so flawed after all. because to me, this seems like a pretty brilliant tactic. now if you’ll excuse me, I just sneezed, and I have, um, some laundry business to attend to.  Image source: stock.xchng