Where do I begin. I am writing this as a way to vent I guess. I am at a crossroads and do not know what to do. my dream for many years has been to be a Special Agent with the Secret Service. two years ago with my wife’s blessing I applied. She was very supportive. I would be away in training for 7 months. their training is very physically demanding. you have to be healthy and fit to make it through it. Also when I was working it would mean I would probably be traveling a lot. I was so excited. it ended up being a very long two year process. we were discouraged many times, because it was taking so long.

On New Years eve we finally sold our house. that had been a 3 year ordeal. we lost a lot of money on the house. we depleted our savings to get rid of it. we needed to get it sold so us moving to a different city would be easy and we would not have to live seperately until the house sold.

Over the summer I had a full and seemed like very intesive physical checkup as part of the hiring process. Everything was A OK. A little over a week ago I thought I was getting sick maybe a cold or the flu. I had bad diarrhea going 10 to 15 times a day. then there was blood in my stool. after three days and calling in sick I went the doctor. he gave me Cypro and said it was probably a bacterial infection. A few days later and it got worse. No pain no loss of appetite. I was staying hydrated. I just had to go suddenly so much. last Wednesday, I went back to the doctor. he called a GI doctor and scheduled an appointment for the next day to see him. he told me to go on a clear liquid diet temporarily.

That night I was sitting at home and the phone rings. the Secret Service called and said I was hired. I would be starting at the end of Febuary. WOW that would normally be so exciting, but I did not yet know what was wrong with me so I was excited but reserved. the next day I went to the GI doctor. he asked a ton of questions and did a small scope on me. he said I probably have ulcerative colitis but we need to do a colonscopy in a few weeks and some more blood work now to find out for sure. I am on Lialda right now and tonight will start a low residue diet.

So here I am. What to do? Today is the first day I have started to feel somewhat normal. but I am so freaking hungry I have lot 8 pounds because of this mostly liquid diet in less than a week. I have not worked out in over a week, which is a big problem. Right now I need to ramp up my workouts right now.

This could end up costing me this dream job. it is so unbelievable. so many different scenarios are going through my head. I know no matter what I have to tell them before I start. What if I quit my job, go to training and can’t continue because of a flare up. They let me go now I have no job and no insurance. Where I work now has a 100% iron clad policy of not hiring anyone back. I make good money here and have good insurance. it would not be the worst thing in the world to stay at my current job, but to not get this job after all this time and commitment would be crushing.