She was a kindergarten teacher at Clyde Erwin Elementary School. He was a speech pathologist who would occasionally pull children from her class for therapy sessions.
With her background as a medical technician in the Air Force Reserves, Sarah Ellen found it hard not to notice Roger Grimsley’s hobbled walk and bent hands, symptoms of a nearly two-decade battle with lupus. She also noted the way, at age 39, he had to fit three weekly dialysis sessions into a busy schedule to combat end-stage renal disease.
But what made Grimsley remarkable to her was not his disease, but his spirit.
“People in general, we just take life for granted. we get so angry or upset and so worried about these little things that don’t matter,” she said. “He worked all day long and went to dialysis three days a week. Being a nurse, I know what that does to you.”
And in spite of the limitations imposed by Grimsley’s disease and the opportunities it had cost him, Ellen said she never saw him complain or indulge in self-pity.
“He makes you want to be a better person,” Ellen said. “He’s that guy.”
Last spring, she decided to offer him a gift that could save his life: one of her kidneys.
“God blessed us with two (kidneys) and we only need one to survive. And I just knew that God would take care of me,” she said.
Grimsley had been diagnosed with end-stage renal disease in 2002, indicating that 90 percent or more of his kidney function had shut down. while he survived on dialysis, which artificially undertakes the kidney’s job of removing waste from the blood, he knew he might be living on borrowed time. The average life expectancy on dialysis is four years.
Though Grimsley had been disappointed before when potential donors, including his own brother, proved not to be a match for his rare blood type, he said he was amazed and happy when Ellen approached him and offered to be a donor.
“I was just happy that she wanted to give me something to save my life,” he said.
The two embarked on a rigorous series of blood tests to determine the viability of the transfer. they were a perfect match.
On Nov. 29, they traveled to Duke Medical Center for the five-hour surgery.
With them was school principal Laurie Howard, who stayed in the waiting room throughout the operation and sent updates back to the teaching staff at Clyde Erwin every few hours.
“The news was always good,” Howard said. “Everything was just meant to be.”
Ellen and Grimsley’s colleagues surrounded the two with support and prayer, Howard said.
“it has certainly been something that we as a school family have prayed about and we have rallied around Roger and Sarah during this time. it was one teacher who said, ‘She is nothing short of being an angel,’” Howard said. “One of the things at Clyde Erwin is we focus a lot on service learning, service to others. those are two living, breathing examples right there.”
Though recovery from a kidney transplant can be painful for the donor and even more difficult for the recipient, both were out of the hospital within days and recovering at home, free of complications.
To make the healing process easier, teachers donated their own vacation days to Ellen and assisted with her lesson plans so that she could stay home until the end of the year.
Ellen said the process became a teachable moment with her 11-year-old son.
“at first he didn’t understand it,” she said. “He knew what a kidney was, but he didn’t know the dynamics of it all. And of course, he’s really kind and gentle and compassionate now, (saying,) ‘are you okay? Is Mr. Roger okay?’”
And even though Grimsley recently moved to Raleigh and took a job at Wake Medical Center, he and Ellen stay in touch daily.
“Oh yeah, I talk to her every day,” he said. “I told her she’s with me for life.”
Now, he makes a point of encouraging other people to do what Ellen did for him.
“What I want to do honestly more than anything is get the word out, that if you have anyone in need of some type of transplant, I think you should do it,” he said.
Though many, including her colleagues, would call Ellen a hero, she said what she did was simple math: we are born with two kidneys. we only need one healthy one to survive.
And, she said, she felt uniquely blessed to be able to give part of herself to someone so special.
“He always made it seem like I’m doing him a favor, and I just felt like, absolutely not,” she said. “I feel so lucky to be the person to be able to help him. A piece of me is what is keeping him alive.”
Who can donate a kidney?
Donors can be between the ages of 18 and 70.
Donors can include parents, children, siblings, other relatives and friends.
Ideal donors should have a genuine interest in donating and a compatible blood type with the recipient.
Donor must be in general good health.
Normally, those with high blood pressure, cancer, diabetes, kidney disease, heart disease, liver disease, sickle cell disease, HIV or hepatitis are not qualified to donate.
To learn more, contact the Living Donor Kidney Foundation at 800-622-9010 or visit livingdonor.org.
Source: University of Maryland Medical Center
Did you know?
While nine of out 10 Americans say they support donation, only about one out of three knows the steps needed to become a donor.
While less common than kidney donation, living donors can also give part of their lung or liver to someone in need of a transplant.
Every month, more than 2,000 new names are added to the national waiting list for organ transplants, and about 18 people die every day while waiting for an organ transplant in the U.S.
Source: National Kidney Foundation, University of Maryland Medical Center, Cedar-Sinai.edu