Question: You recently wrote about a woman who was angry that her body couldn’t do what it used to do. As the younger wife of an 82-year-old man, I can understand her anger. In my husband’s case there is an accompanying depression that was not relieved by a brief attempt at taking antidepressants, which caused a multitude of side effects. how are older people expected to deal with anger and depression? Are there support groups or counseling for them? how do they reach a level of acceptance? Thank you.
- T.R.
Dear T.R.:
You’ve raised an important issue.
Let’s start with the subject of anger. In our younger years, we may have become angry when someone cut us off on the freeway or got a raise when we didn’t. In later life, reasons for anger may be different. often it’s when our bodies betray us and don’t permit us to do what we want to do – in the same ways we have always done it.
It’s easy to get angry.
The aging process is not always idyllic. Late life events such as an inability to participate in once-cherished activities or suffering from chronic debilitating diseases can take a heavy toll on an older person’s emotional well-being – to say the least.
Failing eyesight, health loss and other physical changes can cause sadness, anxiety, loneliness, withdrawal and apathy.
Yet anger is a normal emotion; excessive anger is not.
A more serious outcome of personal loss is chronic depression that can have alarming physical effects on older adults. we know the mortality rate for older men and women suffering from depression and loneliness is higher than for those reporting satisfaction with their lives.
Note that depression is not part of the normal aging process although, according to the nonprofit group Mental Health America, more than half of older Americans think it is. that is one reason it is ignored.
According to the National Institute on Aging (NIA), signs of depression are more varied among older adults than among the younger population.
Symptoms can appear as increased tiredness and being grumpy or irritable. Depression also can be manifested as confusion or attention problems that resemble symptoms of Alzheimer’s disease or other brain disorders.
The NIA further reports that for most people, depression will get better with treatment: “You do no need to suffer.”
The first step is to get help. In general, men are more reluctant then women to seek professional services.
If you have not already done this, begin with your family doctor. The NIA suggests that a physician should check to determine if the depression is caused by a health issue such as hypothyroidism, a vitamin B-12 deficiency or a medication.
Next, consider speaking with a mental health professional. Doctors who are specially trained to treat depression in older adults are called geriatric psychiatrists.
Antidepressant drugs can help, and yes, there are side effects for some drugs for some people. if one drug creates a problem, it may be worthwhile to try another. It can take up to 12 weeks before it feels like an antidepressant is working.
Physical exercise, to the extent possible, and good nutrition, also play a role.
How to reach a level of acceptance is difficult. One approach is to emphasize what is working well and capitalizing on that. In a deep depression, however, it’s hard to even think about that. but as one feels better, that approach has a good chance to work.
The late Natalie Kaufman, who was legally blind due to macular degeneration and had limited mobility, used her ears, voice and soul extremely well. She listened to NPR, the news, classical music and books on tape. Additionally, each Friday morning she telephoned those facing losses and problems to wish them a good Sabbath.
Kaufman welcomed many people of all ages into her home, especially for her birthday parties.
This is just one example of making the best of what you have.
Support groups can be helpful both for you and your husband. Contact Beach Cities Health District at 310-374-3426, Ext. 155.
For a mental health professional, contact Bridges Psychiatric Services of Providence Little Company of Mary Medical Center San Pedro, at 310-514-5359. Bridges has a list of geriatric psychiatrists who evaluate and treat older adults with depression or other emotional difficulties.
T.R., best wishes in finding some relief for your husband.
Remember the message from the National Institute on Aging – one need not suffer. There are resources available in our community to make life better – even good.
Helen Dennis is a specialist in aging, with academic, corporate and nonprofit experience. Send her your questions and concerns in care of the Daily Breeze, 21250 Hawthorne Blvd., Torrance, CA 90503, or e-mail to helendenn@aol.com.